Healing and Hungry: A Letter to 2022

Dear twenty-twenty two,

What the hell was that?

I mean sheesh why did everything have to happen this year. Give a girl some kind of warning next time you plan to turn her world upside down. Okay?

How do I even begin to reflect on this year?

This year quite literally changed the path of my life. And although at first it seemed like it would be the worst year of my life, it is easily the one I am most thankful for.

If “January me” asked “December me” what happened this year, she would be so terrified. She would not understand how we made it through this year in one piece. But we did, so let's celebrate all the victories.

As you obviously know (since you are on this blog page), this year I choose to embark on the crazy journey of recovering from an Eating Disorder. When I first started this journey, I had no idea what to expect. There was so much unknown and fear. Which is partially why I started this blog page. I wanted to be able to provide support to those that were going through the same thing, or weren’t sure where to start. I hope that over the past 9 months I was able to do that to at least one person.

This blog is so important to me. If you would’ve told me at the start of the year that I would openly talk about anxiety, depression and eating disorders I would’ve said you were absolutely insane.

It sometimes feels silly writing my vulnerable thoughts on a Word Doc.

Is anyone even going to read this? Will it even help someone else?

It was my deepest and darkest secret that I buried so deep, that even I forgot I was hiding it. And now it is something I openly and proudly talk about.

So many hours of this year were devoted to therapy, weight restoration, body image work and figuring out how to become the best version of myself. It has so far been the hardest thing I’ve ever done. There were so many times quitting seemed like the easier option. But I am here to tell you, that choosing recovery is the best thing I have ever said yes to.

As I discussed in one of my previous posts, I also decided this year that it was time for me to start taking medicine for my anxiety and depression, because I quite literally didn’t know how to get out of that deep dark hole.

In January, when I was the most anxious and depressed I have ever been, the world seemed to move in slow motion. The colors were dull. And most days felt better in my bed under blankets.

The world is so much brighter now.

Yes, I still have days that I would rather be a blob on my bed most of the day, but it’s not becasue I can’t physically get up and dread doing anything. But it’s because I just need a day to reset. And I think that's okay. I think it’s okay to have days when you don’t do anything and catch up on your favorite binge worthy show.

For those struggling with anxiety and depression, it gets better. It really does. “January me” would not believe that, but “December me” encourages you to reach out for help and give yourself some grace.

Towards the end of this year, I also discovered joyful movement. I have a whole blog post about that if it is something you are interested in reading about.

I fell in love with pilates and yoga. And for the first time in my life, I have a healthy relationship with exercise. I go to class because I love how it makes me feel, not how it makes my body look. It’s such a refreshing way to look at physical activity.

That brings us to today.

I’m sitting at a corner table in a busy coffee shop and I am holding back tears while writing this post. I am so thankful that recovery gave me the opportunity to wake up for life and live it to fullest instead of worrying about the calories I was consuming and how I was going to squeeze into the smallest pant size at the store.

To everyone that was part of my (ongoing) journey, I cannot thank you enough. For believing in me, for holding me accountable, for picking me up when I was at my lowest, and celebrating with me when I was at my highest. Recovery is by no means easy, but you all made it so much more attainable.

And if I can be a support system for you, and your recovery journey, I would absolutely love to cheer you on.

Thank you for following along and reading my posts this past year. I can’t wait to keep sharing with you all in the near future.

Wishing you all the happiest of holidays.

Hug your loved ones and tell them how much they mean to you.

Twenty-twenty two.

Wow.

Thank you for giving me my life back.

Xoxo,

Nat

SONG FOR POST: Starting Over By Chris Stapleton