Healing and Hungry: The Pursuit of Joy

We live in a society where happiness is expected to be felt all the time.

We scroll through our social media feeds looking at peoples’ posts comparing our lives to theirs. Wondering why we aren’t as happy as her, as pretty as her or as thin as her.

When in reality those posts we see are just snippets of people's life and not their story.

It makes sense though. Why would I share my bad days to the world when I can portray my life as a highlight reel. I do this all the time. I share my best moments to the public and keep my dark ones to myself. Now the problem with this is that I think it sets unrealistic expectations. It makes you wonder why you aren't always as happy as the girl you graduated high school with.

She’s always smiling and traveling the world. She’s always so happy.

There is one word that makes that statement incorrect.

Always.

I promise you there is no one in this world that is always happy.

Emotions are fleeting. They come and they go. They stay for a little bit and sometimes return. But they don’t last forever.

We are all chasing this unrealistic idea that we should be happy all the time, when in reality it’s just not possible. So we try to think of things that would get us to that goal.

This is where it gets dangerous.

I had it ingrained in my head that to be happy I needed to be thin. All my problems would go away if I was thin. I would never experience “bad” emotions.

I still wasn’t feeling happy all of the time, even at my thinnest. My eating disorder told me if I was constantly striving to be thinner the happiness would follow. It became a cycle. No matter how much weight I lost or how many meals I skipped, I still wasn’t in a constant state of happiness.

When I was active in my eating disorder I wasn’t internally happy with myself. I experienced happy moments but truly they were because of external factors.

In recovery I found self-acceptance and inner peace. With that I discovered Joy.

I honestly didn’t know there was a difference. Where happiness comes from external experiences, joy comes from internal peace. I think happiness comes with expectations, while joy does not. Sometimes it seems that happiness is always dependent on something.

When I lose these extra 5 pounds, then I’ll be happy.

But joy is an attitude.

What I’m trying to say is that happiness is your end goal. But to experience it, you must find little things in life that bring you joy. By living through your values, you are more likely to have joyful moments.

In last week's entry, we talked about how it is not possible to live out your values when you are active in an eating disorder. Therefore, I wasn’t able to experience joy.

You are not going to be happy all the time. You are here to feel.

On my recovery journey, I am slowly figuring out again little things that bring me joy. I still feel sad, anxious, mad and frustrated. I acknowledge those emotions , but I don’t hyper fixate on the fact that I’m not currently experiencing joy.

I believe that you’ll be more content if you can find moments in your life that bring you joy rather than trying to achieve your ever changing definition of happiness.

SONG FOR POST: Can't Stop the Feeling! By Justin Timberlake

A joyful moment: