Healing and Hungry: Day 1

The days leading up to me leaving to go to in-patient treatment, I was a mess. I mean I legit cried everyday for multiple hours. I was shocked I still had tears left inside of me. Those suckers just kept on rolling down my cheeks.

Looking back, I think I was crying because I was scared. I was scared of the unknown. I didn’t know or understand what treatment or recovery would look like for me or if it even was a realistic possibility. I was also scared of being alone there. I wasn’t able to bring my phone so my communication to the outside world was minimal. I could have visitors for 1 hour each day and could use the unit's phone, but it just wasn’t the same. I missed having my support system close to me.

The day I was admitted was a beautiful, sunny day. The air was crisp but felt calm. I was at peace. I knew that what I was stepping into was about to change my life forever. I wanted it so badly, I don’t even know how to put it into words.

I wasn’t sure how long I was going to be there for. The rough estimate I was told was about 2 weeks. I do not like estimates. I like straight-forward answers. So that made me a tad more worried. I’m not very high maintenance except, I do love my skin care routine (that I could not bring uggghhhh), and getting my nails and eyebrows done. I’m not gonna lie, I was worried my nails and eyebrows were going to look all out of sorts which would only stress me out more.

Focus Natalia, this isn’t the priority right now.

After getting through all the admission paperwork and being brought up to my room, I remember feeling so much weight being lifted off my shoulders. I was in this tiny room alone. I was here to work on myself. I did not have to worry about anyone else but myself. I was here to get healthy.

Those thoughts brought the biggest smile to my face.

SONG FOR POST: Fight Song by Rachel Platten